


Hazbin Hotel Bloopers

by KathyPrior42



Series: Hazbin Hotel Try Not To Laugh [7]
Category: Hazbin Hotel (Web Series)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-14
Updated: 2020-08-14
Packaged: 2021-03-06 06:42:28
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,916
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25899145
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KathyPrior42/pseuds/KathyPrior42
Series: Hazbin Hotel Try Not To Laugh [7]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1821880
Comments: 1
Kudos: 33





	Hazbin Hotel Bloopers

(Marker)

Husk: "You thought it'd be some kinda big fucking riot just to pull me outta nowhere? You think I'm some kinda fucking clown?"

Alastor tries not to laugh, his lips trembling. He wheezes and says "Yes!"

Husk and Alastor burst out laughing. "Damn it, I saw it coming," Husk laughs. "Bring on the jokes."

(Marker)

"Why I haven't been that entertained since the Stock Market Crash of 1929! Hahahaha! So many orphans..."

"Stop right there!"

Vaggie thrust her spear straight into Alastor's neck. The Radio Demon gasped in shock before collapsing dead on the floor.

Charlie covered her mouth with her hands. 

"Vaggie, what did you do?!"

"He was standing too close to my sear! I couldn't help it!"

Angel came into the room. "Oh boy, that's a mess."

Charlie called for Razzle and Dazzle to dispose of the red body.

"Now I'm really stuck," she sighed. "No one's gonna want to stay here after that."

"I'll clean up the rest, Vaggie sighed.

(Marker)

Angel dances around, pouring angel dust into his mouth by the vending machine. His arms move on their own accord and he slaps himself in the face while pleasuring his cock with another hand.

"I guess this, hahaha, ow...is what they call a double dose....owwww!"

(Marker)

Alastor slaps Vaggie's butt during the dance scene.

She whirled around in anger as he leaves. "Did I tell you to stop?!"

Alastor grins back at her. "I gotta finish this musical number but then we can have some fun!"

Alastor finds himself naked in bed, his arms around Charlie and Vaggie. Angel Dust slowly descents from the ceiling on a pink web, fluffing his chest.

"Hey, strawberry pimp? Have room for one more?"

Everyone's eyes go wide and Vaggie yells, "The fuck did you get in here?!"

(Marker)

The top hat demon says, "wow...that was a hit!"

The studio burst into applause. Katie was crying tears. 

"I want to go see your hotel!" Tom Trench says. "Who else wants to go get redeemed?"

A flurry of hands went up in the air. 

Charlie looked stunned. "You're not...gonna mock me?"

"Why would we do that after that wonderful performance?" Katie asks. "From now on, I'm gonna change my ways. Tom, you're fired!"

"Horray!"

Charlie and a screaming Katie were carried by the crowd out toward the hotel.

"Wow," said Charlie, "I guess music logic does work, after all!"

(Marker)

Katie to Charlie: "You're here because Jeffery couldn't make it to his cannibal cooking segment."

Jeffery: 'I'm right here, bitch. Now get out of the way for my show!"

He looks at Charlie with a smirk. "Hey there princess? Have you ever had boys' balls before?

A pause.

Charlie shoots a fireball at him and runs for her life.

"Ahhhh!" Jeffery screams as his body catches on fire.

Alastor appeared while doing his own show, with a blood stained knife in his hands. He looks at Jeffery. "Talk about being fresh off the grill!"

(Marker)

Angel Dust reaches into his fluff. "And Iv'e got the creepy fan letters..."

He pauses, fumbling.

"And I've got..."

He rummages and tries to pull it out.

"Oh fuck, stop everything, the letter is stuck."

Charlie and Vaggie burst into laughing in the limbo seat.

"What? How is that possible?" Charlie asks through her giggles. 

(Marker)

Alastor: "Hello! Is this thing on? Testing, testing..."

The microphone doesn't light up.

"Testing, testing, 1, 2,3..."

Microphone; "Oh, I didn't hear you! What's the line again?"

Alastor drops the microphone and it calls out, "Ow!"

"Mic drop," Charlie calls ans she and Vaggie laugh.

(Marker)

Alastor walks into the hotel. "What a performance! Why I haven't been that enterta..."

Alastor trips and falls onto the floor. Charlie covers her mouth, eyes wide.

Alastor groans from below. "These shoes are hard to walk in..."

Charlie giggles by the door.

(Marker)

Angel Dust walks up to the drug vending machine and presses the button labeled "Angel Dust." Nothing happens. He presses it again and puts his hand through the slot, feeling for the sack of drugs. "Fuck." He punches the button, then tries tapping the other buttons. In frustration, he pucks up the vending machine with all six arms, lifts it up and shakes it. Several colorful sacks of drugs spill out onto the ground. Angel puts the machine back with a slam. "I guess I might as well take everything." He frantically stuffs the drugs into his fluff as the thieving demon laughs. The demon yoinks several sacks from Angel.

"Hey!" Angel yells.

"Up yours, drag show!"

The boulder falls several feet away from him instead of on top of him.

The thief bursts into cheers. "I live, sucka!"

"Damn it!" Angel yells. 

(Marker)

Sir Pentious captures Angel in the chains and drags him along the street. "Oh, faster Daddy!" Angel moans.

"Son?" Sir Pentious asks.

Angel raises an eyebrow. 

A few moments pass.

Angel glances over at a spaced out Cherri.

"Oops," Cherri says and rushes to drop kick Sir Pentious, only to miss.

"You missed, missy!" Sir Pentious taunts.

The Egg Bois huddle over to Angel and say "Hi! Hi second dad!"

"Fuck, seriously!" Angel asks as everyone laughs.

(Marker)

Charlie walks up to Katie Killjoy.

"Hi. I'm Charlie."

Katie: Katie Killjoy," she says as she blows her cigarette, only to cough. "Excuse me," she gasps for breath.

(Marker)

Katie: "I'd say it's a pleasure to meet you, but that'd be a lie. You can put that away. I don't touch the gays. I have standards."

Charlie looks at a "Hell's number one News," sign. "How's that working out for you?"

Katie: "Listen honey, my time is money, so I'll keep this short. You're not here because we wanted you here. You're here because Dahn couldn't make it to his damn hannibal cooking segment."

She mentions to a sign with a blonde man holding skulls on a platter, the sign saying, "It's Dahn good!" The child molester walks in as an animal skeleton wearing a human mask and skin. "Alright, I'm ready to go."

Both Katie and Charlie glance at him, eyes wide. 

"Shoot, i said the line wrong," Katie muttered.

"Now I just need to find my jail mate who killed me," Dahn mutters.

"Now, Charlie, you really think that people like him can be redeemed?" Katie mocks. "He's a child molester, cannibal and killer. Plus he gets off on skulls."

Charlie stars in disgust. "I...suppose your right this time, even if he didn't have the best childhood."

"Go to the ninth circle where you belong," Katie spat at him. She turns to Charlie. "And stop wasting my time on my show!"

"I can get Hitler next," Tom Trench suggested.

(Marker)

Charlie: "Inside of every rainbow is a demon..."

"Oops, sorry."

"Inside of every demon is a rainbow, inside of every smiler is a sinner...urgh."

"Inside of every hatchet wielding manic is a jolly cupcake loving child. We'll turn around. You'll be Heaven-bound! When you check in with me at the Crappy Hot...oh shit, not again!"

(Marker)

Alastor: "And what can you do my effeminate fellow?"

Angel Dust: "I can suck your dick."

Alastor: "Ha!" He starts wheezing, his body shaking.

Angel Dust grins. "Is that a yes, then?"

Alastor: "No, no, no, sorry."

Angel Dust laughs. "All you gave to do is give me some money and I'd be happy to do it!"

Alastor: "I don't have any!" (laughs)

Angel Dust: "That's rich coming from a guy who's rich!"

Charlie and Vaggie giggle in the background.

(Marker)

Sir Pentious: "Well, well, well, look who it is harboring the striped freak! We meet again, Alastor!"

Alastor: "Do I know you?"

Sir Pentious' face falls. "Um..." several moments of silence. Charlie mouths something.

"Oh yes you do!" Sir Pentious laughs. "Forgot my line."

Alastor: "Even my words defeat you easily." Everyone laughs.

(Marker)

Alastor: "You have a dream, you wish to tell. And it's so laughable, but hey kid, what the hell."

He tosses a happy Charlie into the air.

Alastor: "Cause you're one..."

Charlie falls on her back next to him. Alastor covers his mouth, eyes wide. "Oh deer," he helps Charlie up who winces. "Owww."

"Are you okay?"

Charlie catches her breath at the top of the stairs. "Be glad I'm a powerful demon with a strong body. What kind of gentleman doesn't catch a lady?"

"So sorry. But I'll say I can wait to see more of your body in action."

Charlie blushes and erupts into giggles. 

(Marker)

Angel walks into the apartment and trips on his high heel boots. While on the floor, he reaches up and opens the small fridge. "I still got it," he says, holding the popsicle box.

(Marker)

Charlie: "Hey Vaggie..."

Vaggie: "What?"

Charlie: "The Radio Demon is at the door!"

Vaggie: "What?!"

Angel Dust: "Who?"

Charlie: "What should I do?"

Angel Dust sucks on his popsicle, making faint moans.

Vaggie: "Well, don't let him in!"

Angel takes a bite of his popsicle, then looks at it. "Did I just eat this thing?" He looks at his hands and suit which are damp. "Fucking making a mess everywhere." 

He shakes off his gloved hands and Vaggie flinches."Not on me, idiot!" Charlie chuckles.

Angel Dust: "Well, an example of what not to do in the bedroom, unless they call for that brutality."

Vaggie rolls her eyes and groans loudly. 

(Marker)

Alastor: "Dear if I wanted to hurt anyone here, I would've done so already."  
Alastor tilts his head to the side but nothing happens. His face stays normal.

Charlie: "Oookay?"

Alastor: "Why isn't anything happening?"

Vaggie: "You tell me!"

Alastor: "You're supposed to look sacred."

Charlie does a pretend "Ahhh the horror!" before everyone laughs.

Alastor: "Unpredictable powers not working..."

(Marker)

Alastor: No no no, I don't think there's anything left that can save such loathsome sinners." He looks at Vaggie and Angel sitting on the couch staring at something. They both glare and cross their arms.

"What are you looking at?" Alastor says.

"Charlie, I think," said Vaggie.

"Some kind of cameraman," Angel shrugged.

"There's no one else here," Charlie mentioned.

"Well, you're supposed to ignore the cameraman and focus on the show!" Alastor mentioned. "You call yourself an actor?"

Vaggie laughs and shakes her head. 

(Marker)

Alastor: "The chance given was the life they lived before. the punishment is this!"

Alastor spreads out his arms while Angel looks at the camera.

Charlie; "Angel, what are you looking at?" Charlie asked.

"Focus on me, Angel," Alastor said. "The camera people aren't gong anywhere.

Angel focuses a little too intently. "Oh believe me, baby, I am."

Alastor, Angel and Charlie snicker.

"Not that close, five foot rule," said Alastor.

"It's six feet now," Vaggie said.

"There's no pandemic down here in hell!" Alastor exclaimed. "So many pathetic humans dying, hahaha!"

Vaggie: "I'm gonna kill him!"

Alastor: "If I wanted to kill anyone here..."

Charlie: "No fighting on the hotel premises!" Charlie added, hands on her hips. 

(Marker)

Charlie: "So, Al, you're sketchy as fuck. And you clearly see what I'm trying to do as some kind of joke..."

Charlie turns around and sees Alastor grinning with Voodoo symbols around him. She turns into her demon form. "Don't even think about attacking me from behind!"

Alastor chuckles. "I guess making a joke about your behind wouldn't appease the situation?"

Charlie slaps Alastor in the face while Vaggie gives her a thumbs up.

"Oh daaaamn," Angel mused. Everyone laughs.


End file.
